We recently attended the 54th Annual Rochester Pride Picnic, an event put on by the Rochester Rainbow Seniors that is rooted in fifty-four years of resilience and unity. Where they “create a space where every voice, steady or trembling, has room to rise. We gather to celebrate our power to rise above, holding our lanterns high – lighting the way toward a future where belonging glows, hope flourishes, and every person is free to live and love authentically.” It was a wonderful day of community filled with food, dancing, performances, history, togetherness, and love.
In our role as Equal Deathcare, we went to educate and offer tools for people of all identities to protect themselves and their loved ones at end-of-life and into death. We handed out free funeral planning guides which are a place for people to record all their wishes for how they want the end of their life to be handled and what they want their funeral, or sometimes lack thereof, to look like. We also were there to explain how the New York State Next-of-Kin hierarchy works and how with one simple form, people can nominate someone to take care of their funeral arrangements that will supersede any legal next-of-kin who may not be supportive of their lived identities and carry those through into their life becomes their legacy.
While we are there to answer questions and get people thinking about their deaths, this year we added something new, something a little more interactive. Inspired by Candy Chang’s public art installation in New Orleans that has blossomed into many such projects across the globe, we put up a Before I Die board. Started after the death of a loved one, this global participatory public art project invites people to reflect on mortality and share their personal aspirations in public, helping them grapple with mortality and meaning as a community. Though our board was transient, these installations worldwide are a “modern memento mori,” created by local residents who want to create a space in their community to reflect with one another.
“Each wall is a tribute to living an examined life. And each wall reimagines our relationship with death and with one another in the public realm.”
As people walked by or stopped to chat with us about our work, we invited them to please write something on the board that they would like to do or see happen before they die. I was struck by how many people wholeheartedly engaged with the project, most to add an aspiration of their own, but many just to read and reflect. Several people stood quietly for a long moment while they took the time to reach each missive. Many more added their own goals and desires and some even “upvoted” other people’s responses. In the morning, we started with a simple black posterboard with white lettering, “Before I die I want to…” I added a border of vines and marigolds to spruce it up a bit before writing my own aspiration, to get my master’s degree. By the end of the day, we saw responses that ran the gamut from Find a Husband, See Trans Equality, Build a Sailboat, See a Cure for Crohn’s Disease, Visit Iceland, Lose the Boobs, and so many more!
While some people pondered for long moments before penning their responses, many dove right in, knowing exactly what they wanted to do or see happen. A few of my personal favorites were, “Write poetry that helps someone else write their story” and “Show my mother how beautiful and joyous it is to be Trans <3.” We were blown away by the amazing, thoughtful, sweet, and revolutionary responses we got from our community. The Before I Die board is absolutely going to be a staple at our booth going forward because we had such a wonderful time connecting with everyone who stopped to ponder their mortality with us for just a little while.
